Babywearing by Force

I used to love wearing my baby sling. I even liked wearing my baby in it. I bought a super cute sling from Polkadot Papoose and I wore my baby everyday instead of carrying the infant carrier around. It was great and I'll always treasure those memories. I've since "hung up my sling".

Flash forward to now. My baby is 16 months old, fully walking and capable of moving around by herself. However she demands to be carried around the house. If I set her down she makes this horrifying shrieking scream. We don't call her "Angry Baby" for nothing. My older kids cover their ears and yell for me to pick her back up.

And so I carry her while making my coffee, while making dinner, while carrying laundry upstairs, while carrying laundry downstairs, while setting the table, while running out to get something from the garage. She's always being held. I'm always lugging her around. She's permanently fixed on my hip. I'm being forced, against my will, to babywear.

I like to refer to her as my ball and chain. I can't do anything or go anywhere without carrying her. I've created a monster and now I must carry her.

I know what you are thinking. Put her down and let her scream it out. I've tried. I've tried to the point of tears from both of us. As a mom of three, I know it's a phase and it'll pass. I better come away with some great calf muscles or biceps from lugging this kid around.

A Valuable Life Lesson

My one year old daughter learned a valuable life lesson today. "All good things must come to an end."

She had a small pile of M&M's and was eating them like crazy. It actually made me a little proud watching her stuff 3 to 4 in her mouth at a time. When she ate the last one it set in that there weren't anymore. She screamed, hit, yelled, cried etc.

I must say, it reminded me a lot of myself when my pile of M&M's are gone too. I felt her pain.

Facebook

Dear Facebook,

I love you. No wait, I hate you. I love how you make me feel connected and part of a community but I hate how you suck my time. I hate that I love your stupidly wonderful games. Take Cafe World for instance. I "cook" a ton of food for people that randomly come in and out of my "restaurant" and appoint my skinny, childless FB friends as dutiful "waitresses" (without their knowledge, of course). I get annoyed when my actual, real life kids make me late to serve my virtual spaghetti and meatballs. If food that I've been "cooking" for a whole 4 hours spoils--there is hell to pay. Ah, how art imitates life when I am left to "clean up" my stove to start cooking all over again. My ratings in real life are much better. Noone leaves my kitchen hungry, whereas my virtual customers leave on occasion because they haven't been served promptly enough. The real life people just wait a bit..or have an appetizer. Do the virtual people offer the same courtesy? Nooooo..they leave and take your hard earned rating down 5 points!

I think I'll stick to cooking in the real world....until my little timer "dings" again.

Our Fabulous New Look!

Well, Nanny Deprived got a few little nips and tucks. It was time as she was over two years old.

I feel like I've given birth again. The process of creating a new web site design was so much fun and exciting. And now, my baby is here. Take a peek: Gifts for Mom ( a little link love for myself).

Denise from Elle Ink was fabulous and is truly a genius. The fact that she can code html while watching her three kids is AMAZING to me. That's not something anyone should have to do.

We are still working out some kinks and have a few more tricks up our sleeves - coming soon. I'm going to go and sit and stare at my new site now. I'm welling up a little.

Random Thoughts of a 4 Year Old

The other night I was trying to prepare a perfectly nutritionally balanced and visually pleasing dinner ( ok, I was microwaving some chicken pot pies) when my son hit me with a completely random question.

It was just funny because it was absolute chaos in our house, as usual. My oldest daughter was crying dramatically about having to do homework. My youngest daughter had her head between my legs crying as I tried to move around the kitchen. My son was sitting at the table waiting for his delicious food when he blurted out, "Mom, do witches eat candy?"

"What?" I screamed frustrated and at my absolute breaking point. At the time, I was annoyed by his random question that he really expected me to answer. Not only did he want an answer but he wanted an explination about my answer too.

"I don't know buddy. If I was a witch, I would want candy." That's all I could give him. He seemed as though he approved of my answer and went on drinking his milk.

Looking back on it, it's pretty darn funny the things that go through their heads. Maybe I need to learn from my kids. Maybe I should just stop having logical thoughts and have a few philosophical/random ideas here and there.

Let's see...

Would my rum and coke taste better in a red cup or white cup?
I like wicker lawn furniture.
What's better in laundry - water or detergent?
Bar-b-que tongs are the greatest invention ever made.


I like this. I need to think like a 4 year old more often.

Apology to the Naked Barbie

Dear naked Barbie laying on my stairs,
I'm so sorry naked Barbie. I apologize for the fact that you've been laying on the landing of my stairs for a number of weeks and I've walked right on by so many times. I know you are a long way away from the Dream Castle and the life you love. I'm not sure why you are naked or how you came to be on the stairs. My only guess is that one of the dogs or the baby laid you at your final resting place.

While carrying the baby upstairs this morning I felt an immense feeling of guilt looking at you. You looked so cold, naked and beaten up. You lacked the happiness in your face and shine in your hair. I'm sure this is a low, degrading point in your life. Probably even worse than when you worked at McDonalds. I bet when you graduated from veterinarian school, medical school, or became the President, you never thought something like this would happen.

I will make this up to you. I promise to pick you up, clothe you in one of your fabulous designer outfits and return you to your mansion, Corvette and horse barn. I'll even try to convince my daughter to stop giving you day long baths in the sink and to keep your clothes on.

Again, Miss Barbie, I'm deeply sorry for any pain and embarrassment this has caused you.
Sincerely,
Your Purchaser,
Amanda

The Simple Act of Showering

The simple and usually relaxing act of showering is destroyed and gone awry when you need to supervise a one year old at the same time. This, I've recently learned.

Once in a great while I need to take a shower.

When I stink and there is no way of getting around it, I decide to head into the bathroom with a bucket of toys my daughter has never seen. About a minute into the shower she decides these toys are beneath her and starts pounding on the shower doors. Of course I start washing only what absolutely needs to be washed with my blood pressure rising. It's normally about the time I have my head covered in shampoo that she somehow manages to shut herself in the dark closet and begins to scream. I, of course, have to rescue her, naked and covered in shampoo.

My hurried shower normally ends with her banging her head on the door and using her baby sign language - signing "all done" over and over to me. As soon as I step out she demands to be held, annoyed at the fact I wasn't giving her the attention she deserves. I sit her down screaming to quickly get dressed, vowing to never shower again no matter what.

The simple act of showering has been ruined by a one year old. Also add to that, the act of doing laundry, emptying the dishwasher, watching tv, sleeping etc...

A Sad Day

Today is a very sad day at the Nanny Deprived household. I just used my last drop of Peppermint Mocha Coffee Mate which can only be found during the holiday's. I bought two giant bottles of it and froze them to try to extend my little bit of happiness. I knew the day would eventually come, and it has. My coffee will now lack the little taste of chocolate and mint that I crave like a crack addict.

And so I shall start the Peppermint Mocha withdrawal and go back to the tasteless plain coffee mate. I bid you a fond adieu my love. Until the holidays....

An Exorcism for Christmas

I'll admit it. I take my poor baby into Mom's Morning Out every Monday just to get away from her. I don't have relatives nearby and my husband travels a lot so I just need a break every once in awhile.

Apparently the wonderful ladies who watch my littlest one need a break from her too, every once in awhile. Upon pick up today, one of the teachers asked me if my daughter "got an exorcism for Christmas?". It seems my little demon was good for once today.

On another occasion I asked one of her "teachers" how she was that day and she replied, "She was very docile today. No one got bit. Of course, I think that's just how she gives kisses."

Yes, wonderful readers, this is my child. It makes it more real to hear other people tell me she's bad. My friends don't believe me. My family doesn't believe me. Those who watch her for a morning can attest to it which makes me feel validated. I take great pride in my demon and the fact people call her so.

Amanda

Phew!!

Did the past two weeks even exist? Did the past year even happen? I remember it in a sleep deprived, booger covered, baby carrying, juice getting blur.

There were many carpool hours spent, and several weeks worth of sleepless nights, but it just seems like 2009 can't be over already. Wasn't I just lugging half of my house and three kids to the pool every day? Didn't the school year just start? Didn't we JUST complete the insane task of creating and buying Halloween costumes? And now Christmas has come and gone so quickly.

Why are the years going by so fast? I remember being small and waiting what seemed like eternities for my birthdays and Christmas. And now they go by in a crazy, dazzling blur.

Time to get back to work. Tomorrow is probably Valentines day.