Tuesday, March 25, 2008

My Life

My life has gone from:

  • High heels to sneakers
  • Weekends in Key West to Weekends at Disney World
  • Lipstick to Crayons
  • Finding the perfect work pants to finding the perfect sweat pants
  • Victoria's Secret to Hanes Her Way
  • Partying all night to asleep by 10pm
  • Dinner at Cheesecake Factory to dinner at McDonald's
  • Neusua from hangovers to neusua from pregnancy
  • Big Coach bags to little Coach bags ( can't give those up!)
  • Jeep Wrangler to Mini-van
  • Having a job to having a harder job
  • Reading novels to reading picture books
  • Shopping at Banana Republic to shopping at Carter's
My life has gone from good to great!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Be the Best Toddler You Can Be

Did you think toddlers were born with the innate techniques to completely stress their moms out? No, of course not. The most stressful toddlers are taught these stress techniques at Nanny Deprived Boot Camp! Reserve your child's spot today.

Enroll your toddler now for these exciting training camps:

How to Bite with Force- A three hour intensive course filled with great tips such as
  • How to break skin
  • The right way to grind your teeth once you've bit
  • How to blame the bite on another child
How to be in the Wrong Place at the Right Time - A multi-session course teaching your toddler how to:
  • Stand in front of the door as mom tries to get everything in the car
  • Find the busiest place in the kitchen to play as mom prepares dinner
  • Know the exact stressful moment to demand to be held
The Worst Things You Can do While Having Your Diaper Changed - A mini-session in techniques to teach your toddler ways to ensure no one will ever want to change your child again. Your toddler will be taught:
  • How to successfully arch their back while legs are lifted leaving only their head on the ground
  • Correct twisting techniques to break mommy's ankle hold
  • Where to reach and what to touch to really gross mommy out
The Fine Art of the Perfect Tantrum - This three week long camp will ensure your child will be the BEST at tantrums. We will focus on:
  • Tantrums on the Move - How to take off your shoe and throw it at mommy while driving
  • Tantrums in Public - How to choose the perfect timing and location to really make an impact
  • How to Twist the Knife - Ways to kick mom while she's down

Spots are limited. We at Nanny Deprived will strive to make your toddler the best they can be!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Shamless Plug of My Products

I need to plug some of my products from my baby boutique. These are just too cute and new! I had to share.

I'm going to tell you a secret. Right now there is FREE SHIPPING on these adorable pacifiers. I'm only announcing it here and it's only for a limited time! So hurry up and grab a few! They are perfect to tie onto the top of a baby shower gift with some ribbon.

These paci's are all made in the USA. The words are created with medical grade ink so it is perfectly safe for even those babies who like to chew on the wrong side of their binky! All come with a protective plastic top to keep the nipple clean. Let your little one make a statement before they can even talk!

We have 11 different styles. To see them all, click here. Again, right now there is no shipping charge!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Peeing on a Stick

Watching that little line turn pink on a pregnancy test is the weirdest, most shocking moment in any moms life. To me, this moment was more memorable than the actual birth of my kids. The way you feel is indescribable. I shall try my best at describing my recent discovery of the fact that I am pregnant for my third time.

First of all, you've just finished peeing on a stick which is weird in itself. That aside, watching the test to see if your life is about to change or not is so panic provoking. You feel every second waiting for that test. Next comes the, "Is that a line?" "Is that turning pink?" At this point, your heart starts pounding so loud you can feel it in your ears. You are squinting and focused so intently on that little line. Finally comes the confirmation, "Yep, that's a line!" At this point, I usually check the pregnancy test box again just to double check that two lines mean pregnant. Once that's done and it's confirmed, my emotions go haywire.

I wish I had a camcorder on my face when I had just learned I'm pregnant for my third time. I would have loved to see my enormous smile and very flushed cheeks from the adrenaline rush turn into a panicked look of dread. That's how I felt. My first emotion was pure happiness and joy followed quickly by pure panic and dread. Here are my thoughts as I remember them:

I'm pregnant! I'm going to have a baby! - happy
I'm going to be fat and uncomfortable! - dread
I get to hold a little baby again! - joy
I won't sleep again for a year! - panic
My kids are going to have a baby brother or sister. - happy
My kids are going to have a baby brother or sister.- dread
How's my husband going to take this? - panic
I'm going to have to loose all that weight again! - dread
I get to breastfeed again! - joy
Baby Clothes! - happy
Shopping for baby! - joy
Paying for baby! - dread

All this happened while still sitting on the toilet, pants down, in less than two minutes. My life had changed in a blink of an eye or a drop of some urine.

Next comes the 48 hours of numbness. You can't think of anything else besides the fact that you are pregnant and what's going to happen. I get a little bit stupid and forget anything important during those 48 hours such as taking care of my existing kids.

I remember my 48 hours of numbness with my first pregnancy. I was teaching 5th grade. My poor students had free reading the entire day. I just sat at my desk and looked out the window.

So far, the three moments when I found out I was pregnant with my babies have been the most physically and emotionally memorable and strange moments in my life. This may all change once I have three kids under 6 living with me. I'm sure I'll have some very strange moments then!

Oh man, what have I done? :)

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Mary Poppins Diaper Bag

How many of you have friends who carry a Mary Poppins diaper bag? I'm referring to the scene in the movie where Mary comes and pulls anything and everything out of her carpet bag. I've seen moms who must have the same bag. They have any imaginable toy, contraption, medical instrument or snack food known to man inside.

I always feel so inadequate with my diaper bag full of loose fruit loops, three broken crayons, one ruffled diaper and two wipes which are almost dry and shriveled. Don't forget the aroma of my bag - old apple juice that spilled in my pack of tissues.

"Need a toothpick? Oh I happen to have one." "Needle and thread? Right here!" "What's that? Your child only eats spaghetti-o's with meatballs? I have Dora shapes or regular in my bag. Which would they prefer? "

I have friends who carry battery powered mixers to mix up a bottle. Sorry Steph! I've even know moms who have TWO types of band-aids - Princess for girls and Cars for boys. What are these women packing for? It's like they are preparing for the Lewis and Clark Expedition with a an infant.

I remember packing my diaper bag even before I brought my first born home from the hospital. I had travel sizes of every ointment, formula, travel cups, plates and silverware. You name it I had it. Now, I'm lucky if I remember to bring my smelly diaper bag.

I make fun of these over packers now but let me tell ya, the minute there is an emergency situation, I'm making friends with the lady with the biggest diaper bag!

Friday, March 7, 2008

5 Minutes for Mom Blog Party!

Hello, hello! Welcome! I'm so glad you are here. It's been three days since I've had adult conversation and it's really been getting to me. Please come in. Just step over the naked dolls, trains, enormous balls and what not. Come right this way. We were just watching the Yo Gabba Gabba Marathon on Noggin. Can I get you a drink? I have apple juice or Kool-Aid. Unfortunately, I only have sippy cups available. Do you mind? What's that? You have to use the rest room? Sure, just know my 2 year old will need to go with you.

Now that you are here and comfortable let me tell you a little about myself. I'm Amanda, owner of www.nannydeprived.com and author of the Nanny Deprived blog. I'm a stay at home way to much mom (SAHWTMM) to Cinderella 4, and Batman 2 and maybe more on the way- wink, wink. My husband travels a lot and I don't have any family nearby me. Sometimes I get a little nutty.

I'd love to tell you about my website www.nannydeprived.com. You can click the "Home" button to visit my site. It offers moms fun quizzes, quotations about being a mom, monthly story contests which are hilarious, mom facts, and shopping.

If you sign up for my newsletter (on the left sidebar) March 7 - March 14 you'll be elidgable to win a new Cakies Hair Clip. Our newest product. You get to choose your color and style. The winner will be announced in the next Newsletter.

Every Nanny Deprived mom loves a coupon. Please use the code: STORYCONTEST at checkout in the voucher field for %15 off any order!

Thanks for stopping by! It's been so nice to chat. Are you sure you need to leave? Don't you want to stay to finish your Kool-Aid? Please.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Embrace the Insanity of Motherhood

"Embrace the insanity of Motherhood" is the motto of my website and blog. What exactly does it mean? It means choosing to laugh when you really want to just hang your head and cry. It means loving someone so much while wanting to strangle them at the same time. It's holding your sick child all night without any sleep for yourself and being happy and grateful to do it. It's trying not to laugh while scolding your child for saying their first swear word. It's carrying a screaming, kicking, spitting two year old while pushing an empty stroller though the busy mall food court to get to the safety and privacy of your car. It means cooking 5 different dinners so everyone will be happy at dinnertime for once. It's listening to the same knock knock joke, and pretending to laugh, over and over and over. It's becoming immune to stinky, dirty diapers. It's giving up the biggest and best bite of ice cream that you really want to your little one who then spills all over their new shirt.

Embracing the insanity of Motherhood means taking all of this in stride with the occasional meltdown. It means loving your child so much and sacrificing anything for them even though it drives you a little nutty.

What's Wrong with Toys Today?

I don't know what bothers me the most, the fact that toy manufacturers make toys that excrete bodily fluids or that my daughter wants them all. Why do they need to make peeing babies and peeing dogs? Like I don't have enough urine being sprayed all over my house, now I have to buy a pretend Barbie dog that pees too? I already have two real dogs that like to pee in my house but apparently that's not fun enough for my daughter.

I crack up every time I see the Baby Alive baby commercial. They feed the baby and then it suddenly has a geyser-like stream of pretend urine which sprays the real mom in the face who puts her hand up to block herself while smugly laughing. I always think to myself "You deserve it overly fake actress mom, you bought the doll for her - ha!" That mom got what she deserved!

I've also seen the Barbie who has the pooping dog. You think I'm kidding? His name is Tanner. He poops and poor Barbie has to pick it up. My daughter wants that too. I told her I'd give her the poop scooper and she can go out in the backyard and do it for real. She wasn't impressed.

I understand the Barbie and Tanner were recalled. There's a shock. Actually it was for a magnet somewhere. I think Hasbro realized it was a stupid toy. And what exactly does Tanner have in his mouth? That dog must be hungry!