Tuesday, February 26, 2008

"Your Underwear is Where?"

Have you ever said something that you couldn't believe you said? This happened the other day while I was getting ready for my day of preschool and play dates. I heard my daughter say, "Mom, my underwear is blah blah muffle muffle!" I answered, "Your underwear is where?" and it hit me, did I just really say that? It turned out somehow my daughter was getting dressed on the couch and somehow it ended up here...

I was just starting to feel mature and sophisticated with my new and only piece of art. My father bought it for me for Christmas. It was on sale at the going out of business blowout at Bombay Company. It was the first real piece of art in my house, at least, priced above $19.95 and not from Target. Now here it is with Cinderella underwear on it. All the sophistication in my house wiped away with one kick of my daughter's foot.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Max and Ruby - Abandoned Bunnies at Large

Have you seen the bunnies? Do you know what I'm talking about? Max and Ruby are two bunnies who have a show on Noggin. Ruby is the older (age 7), bossy, more annoying bunny while Max (age 3) is the very quiet, mischevious younger bunny. Someone needs to call DFAC's on Max and Ruby's parents because I think they have run away. (Insert dreamy sigh here)

Ruby has sent Max to the store to buy things. She cooks for Max and just basically bosses him around all day and night. There is a Grandma bunny but she does not live with them and just makes occasional unannounced visits. It's cute with a touch of odd mixed in.

At times, I think my daughter thinks she is Ruby. I've heard her tell my son "You can't play with that in here. That's an outside toy." She sounds exactly like Ruby. It scares me.

You think you've got it rough...I have the 10 episode DVD of Max and Ruby! Now that's sad. Everyone sing with me....Max and Ruby....Ruby and Max....Max and Ruby......Ruby and Max....

The Best Mommy Product Ever!

We've all done it. Don't deny it. You know you've licked your thumb and wiped your child's face before. The first time I did it I was shocked. "Did I just give my kid a spit bath? Oh yuck, I've turned into my mother." For some unexplainable reason, moms get that overwhelming need to clean dirt, toothpaste, sucker residue or anything else off of their children's face.

When I first found Momspit I knew I had to sell it. It's my favorite product and has, of course, an adorable name. There isn't actually any saliva in it. I've been asked that for those of you saying, "well duh." It is a cleanser without harsh chemicals, safe to use on babies. There is no need for water as it blends into skin leaving it soft and lightly scented. It's great for times when you don't have a sink, washcloth, scouring pad or whatever else may be needed to tidy up your children or yourself. The best thing about it is the scent. It comes in three: Green Tea and Fig (my personal favorite), White Tea and Lemon, and Unscented. Not only do you get to remove the toothpaste spittle in the car while waiting in line for drop off, but you get to make you kids smell a bit better too.

Here are some examples of times when you can use Momspit:

1) Grocery shopping when you son spits a chewed sample of cookie out onto your wrist.
2) In the gym, after you pick your kids up from the playroom.
3) After entertaining your kids at the gas station by making faces through the dirty window while the gas pumps.
4) When you've had no choice but to change your child's diaper in the back of the car.
5) While you clean out your car or your child's car seat.

It's a great product to have in your diaper bag, car, gym bag and anywhere else you may need a waterless cleaner. If you'd like to purchase some, I'd be happy to sell you some! Follow this link: http://www.nannydeprived.com/item_97/MomSpit.htm

Sunday, February 17, 2008

My New Mommy Fashion Statement

My husband and I didn't opt for the fancy automatic opening side door when we bought our mini-van. Honestly, I didn't understand the point of only one side opening and thought it was stupid. Now that I have children in pre-school, I understand it makes it easy to dispense of your children quickly.

My passenger side rear door has become encased in apple juice and is impossible to open. The seals are as sticky as my kitchen floor and it takes me pulling all my weight and tugging several times to get the door open.

The other day I was dressed in my usual best to drop my daughter off at pre-school. I of course had my sweat pants on and favorite t-shirt from college (9 years old). I was also sporting my new fuzzy blue slippers my mom got me for Christmas. Thanks mom. I looked my normal, mom best.

It was my turn in the car pool line to deposit my child at school. The poor teacher tugged on my door and then looked through the window at me waiting for me to push the button that would automatically open the door. Because I didn't have that button, and I really didn't want to torture the underpaid teacher by making her try to open my door, I had to quickly jump out, run around and yank the door open, holding up all the moms behind me.

It gets better. Another teacher needed to talk to me so they diverted the line of cars around me while I spoke to the teacher about an upcoming PTA event. So there I was in my mommy best, talking face to face to another teacher while all the moms went around me.

When I got back in the safety my van already mortified, I quickly checked my mirror to make sure no one was behind me when I caught a glimpse of something on my head. I did a double take I saw a huge crumpled up Bambi sticker stuck on the top right section of my hair. Oh it was very large and extremely noticeable. How it got there, God only knows. I'm sure everyone in line and the teacher had to have noticed my lovely sticker. The only saving grace is that all those people who saw me are moms too and have probably at one time had some sort of sticker stuck in their hair in an embarrassing situation. At least I like to believe that.

Friday, February 15, 2008

My Son Failed Gymboree

My son and I had to drop out of Gymboree. Why, you may ask? Well I didn't feel it appropriate for me to pay money for my son to hug other moms. That's all he would do. He was either hugging all the moms or sitting in the brightly colored inner tubes. I couldn't get him out of there. Not even Gymbo the scary Clown, signing or all the bubbles in the world would pull him away from the red, green and blue inner tubes stacked on top of each other. It was his own little world in there. Or perhaps he was escaping- not sure. So I would stand there talking to him, playing peek-a-boo for almost 45 minutes trying not to look weird.

It's funny because this was a few months ago that we dropped out. We just went back to Gymboree for a friends birthday party and my son made a bee line to the tubes. I thought he would have forgotten those but there he sat. He did do better this time around. He even popped a few bubbles and rode the parachute.

Maybe I'll sign him up for remedial Gymboree. Do they offer that?

Monday, February 11, 2008

Dora and Diego - A Mom's Point of View

What is it about Dora and Diego that makes my kids mezmorized and hungry for more? I'll admit the show is somewhat educational. My son interacts and seems to learn from it. And I do like the growl Baby Jaguar makes. But Dora's voice make me want to hit my head on the wall. Why is she always yelling? And what's wrong with the size and shape of her head? I also totally feel Diego under-utilizes his rescue pack. I mean, come on, it can turn into anything! What kind of parents let their child run through the jungle with a baby jaguar rescuing animals? Finally, to end my ranting, I must say, whoever wrote the song the Map sings from Dora needs to be shot.

When I first had my daughter, I forbid my relatives to buy any Dora toys, accessories, pajamas, and everything else that was plastered with Dora's face. I just didn't like how she couldn't control the volume of her voice. And now, as I type, I look at my computer desk, covered in Diego fruit snack wrappers and small Diego and Boots figures. My daughter has Dora PJ's, slippers and a blankets. We have Leggos, books, and DVD's with Dora and Diego. We just went to see Go, Diego, Go Live and I was suckered into spending $30 in Diego light toys. I'm not kidding, $15 each! Dora and Diego have overtaken my house and life. I'm up to my knees in Boots...the monkey.

So much to my dismay, I now know every character of Dora and Diego. I know what time it's on on every channel. I've seen each episode and can sing every song. When I first had children I refused to jump on the Dora and Diego bandwagon. Little did I know I was going to be tossed head first onto that bandwagon. I guess as long as my kiddos continue to talk in a normal voice and don't run off to the Jungle, I'm ok with it. After all, my life is all about them!

Friday, February 1, 2008

Designer Moms

I'm a mom. I'm not savvy, posh, haute, chic or any other adjective trying to make me feel sophisticated. How can I feel sophisticated with a tissue in my pocket covered in boogers? I don't wear high heels or fancy scarfs or even expensive sunglasses. I wear jeans. Just jeans everyday. I only go to the grocery store, Home Depot or on fancy days,
Petsmart. I wear what makes me feel comfortable because it's hard to play dress up, fight bad guys, or watch Noggin while wearing designer clothes.

We've all seen them. The perfect moms at the mall. Wearing beautiful clothes, with perfect hair and makeup. Toting the perfect child behind them obediently. Of course they have the perfect stroller with matching diaper bag, burp cloths, and everything else.

Then there are the moms like myself. In a daze, dragging children behind them apologizing to everyone for their behavior. Most of the time I forget my diaper bag in the car or may have one crinkled diaper and a wet napkin on hand. My K-mart stroller is a mess with chocolate and ice cream smeared all over it.

I'm not knocking those moms out there who are posh and chic. I give them much respect. It must be extremely hard to keep themselves looking so nice while taking care of a little one. I honestly don't know how they can do it. But a little part of me - the evil part - wants to see their perfect child throw up all over their perfect clothes. Just once.