Monday, April 27, 2009

My Secret Papers

I have a stash of secret papers. They are beautiful multi-colored papers folded in half hidden in the last months of my calendar. Once in awhile I feel compelled to just get up and go look at them, maybe caress them a little. I'm like a distressed cougar whenever anyone gets too close. I'm ready to strike at a moments notice. What are these papers you are wondering? They are all the summer camp flyers that have been sent home this past month.

I have the county parks summer camp schedule always minimized on my computer. I pull it up occasionally just to check the openings at the camps my kids are going to go to. Just making sure there is still availability. I'm just waiting for everything to fall into place before registering them. I need to have the right amount of money, friends enrolled for carpool etc. Soon, any day now, my kids will be registered at as many camps as I can find and afford. Sanity.

Friday, April 24, 2009

A Trip to the Dr.'s Office

It's that time again. Time for a well visit for my baby. I loathe going to the Dr. There is something about being closed in a tiny room with my kids that makes me sweat just thinking about it.

Somehow I always manage to schedule appointments right smack dab in the middle of naptime or when the baby should be hungry. Even with my gigantic Mary Poppins magic diaper bag stocked full of everything ever needed for a baby and a toddler, something always seems to go wrong.

I was that parent in the waiting room that everyone likes to stare at with the screaming baby and insanely loud toddler asking strange questions. You know that parent. There's always one there that seems to be the entertainment for the rest. I was her.

My son kept asking why we couldn't go into the sick side of the waiting room. I'd quietly explain and then he'd point at the people over there and say very loudly (the only way he can talk) "Those people are sick and have germs." I immediately began thinking, "where the hell is the nurse?" "We've been here for 20 minutes."

Of course by now the baby is full on screaming because she's hungry but I'm not about to whip it out in front of my audience. So I continue to try to bounce the baby and distract my pointing son. I start pulling out video games, snacks and pacifiers which is right when the nurse comes to call us. Of course.

And so we go to that forbidden room. They shut the door with a, "The Dr. will be right in." Yeah, and my name is Mary Poppins. I start reading the same ripped book that was there last time I came, 3 months ago. That poor book. I bet it's been read out of desperation so many times.

I hear the Dr outside and I decide to use my emergency plan and shove a sucker in my son's mouth so he won't talk. The plan worked like a charm. Score one for mommy.

Meanwhile I've got the now hysterically tired and hungry baby. The Dr. comes in and tries to examine her while making shushing noises which I know isn't going to work. She eventually stops the noises and her attempts to quiet the baby and starts examining her at lightning speed. All is well. Now we wait for the shots. Good fun.

Fifty five minutes, two suckers, and three shots later I run out of the office safe for another three months.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Personal Hygene

I'm beginning to rethink my personal hygene schedule. I've always showered in the morning to begin my day. But as I sit here after putting all the kids to bed I'm starting to wonder why it is I do that.

Right now I'm covered in regurgitated blueberries and apples all over my shirt. I have actual splatter marks on my sweat pants from where the baby threw up while I was standing up holding her. I was so impressed with the babies power I showed my husband who just looked at me in astonisment trying to figure out why I was showing him that.

I'm pretty sure I have poop in my hair too. I moved some hair out of my face while changing the baby only to notice minutes later my hands were dirty. I've also got some blood on my hands from where I covered up my son's road rash while carrying him inside after crashing on the pavement.

Yeah, I'm going to take a shower now.

Monday, April 20, 2009

I'm So, So Sorry Little Catapillars!

My kids have adopted about 4 caterpillars they have found. They feel they need to "raise" them. I have great caterpillar guilt. I know what's going to eventually happen to those poor little creatures yet they are keeping my kids so entertained. Do I set them free tonight after the kids go to bed or let them succumb to their inevitable fate? One is already "sleeping". He may be a gonner already. What to do?

Saturday, April 18, 2009


I've had a cupcake filled weekend already. As I just polished off one last cupcake a friend made me take home, I decided that I need to work on making better cupcakes. I think that's in the Mom Code somewhere. "Every mom needs to make extraordinary cupcakes for all major events and school functions". The Mom Code also states every mom must shop at Target on Fridays. One of these days I'll get around to writing down the Mom Code.

Anyway, one of my friends had this handy little cupcake carrier with an awesome lid and room to fit 24 cupcakes in it. It had a handle on the lid and everything. I was envious. I've also seen a book, at Target no less, on how to decorate cupcakes into almost anything. I'm putting that book and that cupcake carrier on my list for next Friday and I'm going to bake the craziest batch of cupcakes that book has in it. I'll also be wearing my cupcake apron from my store! I'm going to do this mom thing right, damn it.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Stages of Breastfeeding

I'm by no means an expert on breastfeeding. I failed miserably with my first baby. My second breastfed for 14 months and I'm currently breastfeeding my 5 month old. I don't judge those who choose not to breastfeed. I totally understand.

From my experiences here are the stages of breastfeeding.

Stage 1 - OUCH - This stage occurs during the first two weeks of babies life. If you can make it through this stage, you can do anything humanly possible. Putting an extremely sensitive part of your body into a sucking machine is not fun. I won't go into the gross things that can happen but think blisters.

Stage 2 - DOUBT - I believe every nursing mom goes through this stage. Your baby will go through a growth spurt and be fussy and crazy demanding milk. You'll doubt your supply, start googling like crazy and buying Feengreek and Mother's Milk Tea (which is actually pretty tasty), and trying other really crazy things to increase your supply. By the time you start consuming all of this stuff, you body will be producing enough milk to keep baby happy through the growth spurt.

Stage 3 -SLEEP - It's a memorable night. You lay awake waiting and wondering. "What's going on?" "Has something happened?" You crank the monitor up listening for breathing or any little noise. You're breasts are so full you won't chance moving because you're afraid you'll spray milk across the room. Your baby has slept all night without breastfeeding.

Stage 4 - ALERT - You'll be nursing away and suddenly the baby will turn his/her head to see something going on, forgetting to let go of your breast, yanking it around. Your baby starts to take interest to the world around him while nursing. The baby will continue to do this over and over causing pain and much frustration. This is especially fun while trying to nurse discreetly in public.

Stage 5 - TEETH - Back to ouch. I think every baby just wants to test that new tooth out at least once. One good chomp is all it takes to make you really doubt this whole breastfeeding thing. But yet, time after time, we, as moms continue to keep putting our breast back into those gangly tooth covered mouths bite marks and all.

Stage 6 - WEANING- I'm not sure who this is harder for. Mom's have endured the above stages and even after all of that have enjoyed the experience of breastfeeding. After all the tears from plug ducts, mastitis, and bite marks; and the hours of laying awake resenting your husband for not lactating you find it hard to stop.

There must be something really magical and special about breastfeeding to make woman endure it for months, a year or even longer. That or in my case, I just really hate washing bottles. :)

Saturday, April 11, 2009

VGNO Party

It's a Virtual Girls Night Out Party. I'm betting many virtual men are excited to hear that!

Here's my drink recipe - RUM straight up! Haha that's my favorite.

As far as my favorite Easter candy? It's gotta be the Cadbury eggs. I usually try to find one that is completely wrapped which can be hard to do. They usually have a little bit of chocolate peeking through the wrapper which scares me. Who knows what that chocolate has touched along it's journey. It's not touching my mouth!

It's nice to meet some new blogging mommies! Stop by and check out my other posts!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Miracle Blanket Gone Bad

We had to have a Miracle Blanket intervention with my 5 month old. She's become a Miracle blanket junkie and we couldn't take it anymore. She just can't get enough and when she comes down from her swaddled high, she goes into serious withdrawal - crying and shaking, waking us all up at night. I tried to slowly get her off the blanket by just wrapping up one arm but I'm afraid we are going to have to go cold turkey and just take it all away at once.

It started out so innocently. We would wrap her up and she slept so soundly. Then she just started to outgrow her blanket and she just wanted it more and more. I was sadly her enabler giving into her demands, wrapping her up so tight. I even purchased another Miracle Blanket, hoping it would be a little bigger and give her more time in it. I'm to blame as much as she is.

I checked the Miracle Blanket web site and of course they sadly just promote their blanket giving all kinds of directions on how to use it and how great it is. There are no directions on what to do when your baby is completely addicted to it or how to get her off it. No hot line to call for emergency help or self help centers. I'm ashamed of the Miracle Blanket company for producing such an addictive product and not offering any rehabilitative help. Even the cigarette companies now do that.

Moms, keep your babies away from the Miracle Blanket unless you want to find them covered in drool, laying in their bed, crying, sweating, shaking and flapping their little arms in a restless withdrawal. It's a horrible sight that no mother should have to see.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


Project Wonderful doesn't think my blog is so wonderful. They rejected me as a publisher for their ad's. I'm still lost and confused as to why they rejected my very wholesome blog yet approved my Top 100 site. They sent me a letter with criteria as to why a publisher could be rejected. See if you can figure out why I wasn't approved, "These criteria include, but are not limited to, suitable content, ease of site navigation, and the website's potential value to Project Wonderful and the experience of its members."

Is my content not suitable? Yes, I frequently discuss poop and pee and the occasional boob. I wouldn't call that adult content by any means. Not in the context I'm writing about.

Is my blog hard to navigate? I don't think so. I know that "Home" button can be a real doozie.

Are they telling me I have no potential value? I'm hurt. They don't think anyone will want to bid a penny a day to put a stinking ad on my blog?

Am I hurting the experience of Project Wonderful's members? They don't want their members to see my blog for fear they will have a bad experience. That's a nice way of saying, "Your blog sucks."

You've cut me deep Project Wonderful. Real deep. I might retract my $.01 bid I have going on another blog. You won't get a penny out of me.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Mommy Video - Must See!

Every mommy needs to check this out. Warning: You'll be singing this all day!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Babies See Black and White

I truly believe babies see black and white first. I have two dogs and one happens to be black and white. My daughter loves to watch her. The thought has crossed my mind to tie my dog up to the babies exersaucer during extremely fussy periods. Bad mommy? Yes, I am.