Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Great Tic Tac Debacle of 09

It all started with a little plastic box of Tic Tacs. What harm could come from that?

I'll tell you. My daughter became the back seat Tic Tac Tyrant. She felt the power of the red and yellow tic tacs. I often heard crying and begging because my son was unable to get any red tic tacs. It was Tic Tac mayhem.

And then, one day, it happened. A Tic Tac Coup d'├ętat. My son took that little plastic box while his big sister was at school and felt a little tinge of the power it induced.

From that point on, it was all out Tic Tac war. There was yelling, hitting, tantrums, but I must say; minty fresh breath all along. Finally we came to the Great Tic Tac Treaty. A compromise was reached and now I must buy two boxes of tic tacs from now on. Stupid me to believe my kids could share something.

I Voted In the Nanny Deprived Story Contest

The newest story contest is up here: Mom Story Contest. Make sure you vote for your favorite daily and come back and retweet this post! WoOt!


Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Needy Mom

Hi! I'm Candy. Our children have the remote possibility of having something in common besides eating and sucking air.... would you be my friend?????
Thats me.
ALL THE DAMN TIME.
Im like the poster child for women who moved and need friends. I find myself at my daughters elementary school, scoping out the "normal" looking mothers. The ones with clean kids or all their teeth. The ones who maybe, just maybe, might want to be my friend. I get my best smile on and try my best to wipe the spitup off my shoulder. I threaten my two month old not to cry (kidding) and tell him to act cute for attention. I'm like a dude who uses his niece or nephew to pick up chicks. Only much more desperate and better intentioned. I lack that essential girlfriend to come over and drink wine with me, or go to the mall with, or just call and be catty with. Oh, how I love the catty calls. I can call any number of East Coast friends and do those things. But dropping everything and flying 5 hours is a bit much just to come scrapbook with me for a few hours. Remember when we were young and in school? It was SO EASY to make friends. Even in college, you popped open a beer or some cheap Zinfindel and voila! Friends!!! Now its all about the approach and the things in common and the blah blah blah. Why cant we just say "Hey! I require adult interaction! Give me your number and I might cook you dinner?" Too forward? I thought so. Too bad I never had any "game" in the dating world, so I sure as heck dont have any in the "score some Mommy friends"world. Sigh...


I totally scored a number today though... she said she would go for coffee with me. Do I call her right away or wait a few days to call so I dont seem too desperate?

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Witching Hours

"Treasure these times." "These years go by so fast." "Where does the time go?"

I'll tell you where the time goes. A documented 54 extra minutes are added between the hours of 3 and 6pm. That's the time when I feel every single tick of the clock, not to mention the extra minutes I swear are there. Those are the Witching Hours at my house. My angelic three kids turn into little demons torturing me with their demands and commands.

"I HATE HOMEWORK."
"WIPE MY BUTT!"
"AAHHHHGGGGOOOOOO!"

That's all I hear. I usually end up cornered by my little spawns in the kitchen, shielding myself with the refrigerator door. I can fend them off for a few minutes by throwing some Gogurts and an assortment of fruit juices at them. I remain, in the kitchen corner, frightened, hoping that something on the TV will spark their curiosity and they'll leave me. I sit there, counting the never ending ticks of the clock, waiting for my noble knight in shining armor, on his steed (or silver Ford Taurus) to come and rescue me and turn my little beasts back into themselves. All they need is a fresh body full of energy to revitalize them. Once he bursts through the door, peace is restored and the clock continues to move at a normal rate.

So, yes, the years go by so fast. It's the minutes between 3pm and 6pm that drag on and on and on.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

My husband thinks I'm evil

I feel slightly bad writing this post to follow that very poignant post from Amanda regarding 9/11. All "me me me" when the previous issue was so much larger than any one of us. I hope the families of those affected by the tragedies are healing and finding peace.

Ok, time for some humor (generally at my expense..)

So, sleep depravation does crazy things to people. Apparently it is turning me into some horrific demon. Case in point, the hamster (aka, the thing I never wanted and had brought into my home against my will) got loose the other morning. This particular morning, my son decided that intemittent sleep throughout the night was a great idea. Needless to say I was tired. Dead tired. The hamster decided captivity was simply not for her so, after weeks of planning.. she sprung loose from her pink prison. Amazingly, we didn't find her spread eagle on the bathroom floor as she had to take quite the leap from the top of the vanity. Anyways, my ex-husband discovers this when he came to take my daughter to school. He alerts my husband and father so there are 3 grown men in search of teeny "Sally", even calling for her like a dog. None of them will admit to this but, my daughter told me its true. Apparently they searched for quite some time but to no avail. Later in the morning I discover this and develop extreme paranoia that she's just waiting around a corner, or in a heating vent to attack me. The conversation then goes as follows:
Me: "Why didnt you wake me earlier to help?"
Husband: "Your dad asked the same thing and I told him that if we woke you, you would find it with some heat seeking superpower, rip its tiny heart out and then eat its soul."
Me: "WHAAAAAAA? Am I that bad? Am I that tired?"
Husband: "Yes. Its best not to wake you."
Wow. I've gone from "Good Morning Mommy!" to "Don't wake mommy! She'll eat your soul!"
Perhaps instead of some energy drinks, an exorcism is in order?
Either way, I need some uninterrupted sleep.


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Remembering 9/11

I know this blog is dedicated to the crazy life of moms but I feel it's important to take a moment to remember 9/11. I've joined the MckLinky Blog Hop for this week because I plan to read other peoples stories and memories about that day.

I was teaching that day. I had a large class of 5th graders and we were going over social studies. My teacher's aid walked in with a weird look in her eye. I remember being annoyed that she was interrupting me and then she whispered in my ear, "Two planes just hit the World Trade Towers in NYC. The US is under attack." My first question was, what kind of plane. My husband had left that morning for a business trip, on a plane. When she said they were commercial planes, my heart dropped. I wanted to run out of the room and see what was going on but I knew I had to protect the kids in my classroom. I told my aid to go get more information for me and I kept going on with my lesson.

A few minutes later we went to specials. In the hall all of the teachers were looking at each other trying to read each other's faces to see what they may know. Was anyone crying, what was going on? Every minute hurt me. Once my students were at art class I remember running down the hall to my classroom. I turned on the news just in time to see the first tower crumble to the ground. I just stood there, alone, dumbfounded. I ran to the office and saw a line of people waiting to use the phone. I stood there not talking to anyone. Finally when it was my turn, I dialed my husbands cell phone and got his voice mail. I left a message and walked back to my room. I watched the second tower fall minutes before I had to go get my kids.

I continued the day. I was unable to continue with my lessons. I got out the play doh and let the kids just color or read. Many parents started to come to get their kids out of school. When they came to the classroom, I would ask them what they knew. I would get little bits of information throughout the day. The kids of course knew something was going on and kept asking. I remember telling them that something bad had happened in our country. I told them to discuss it with their parents. I didn't want to be the one to tell them. I couldn't.

As soon as the day ended, I ran to my car and just started to cry and cry. I must of sat in the parking lot for an hour crying. During that time I got a call from one of my best friends who told me that my husband had gotten a hold of him. His plane had been diverted to Cincinnati but he was ok. He had been trying to call me all day but couldn't get through. With that news, I thought I could at least drive myself home.

Once home I remember watching the news all night. My husband was able to call. He rented a car and started to drive from Cincinatti to Florida. He was home in a few days and I'd never been so happy to see him.

Such a sad day in our country's history. Being around kids, trying to hide my fear and not being able to know exactly what was happening was so hard. I'll always remember those who lost their lives that day.

What's your memory of that day?


MckLinky Blog Hop

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Deep Thoughts of a 10 Month Old

If I could hear the thoughts of my 10 month old, this is what she is thinking...



Do not go anywhere. I'm just going to keep pinching your leg to make sure you are still here.

Who is that crazy boy and why is he sitting on your lap? You are MY mommy.

Mommy, stay right here. Don't move and don't go anywhere. I just need to check out that little shiny peice of paper. Don't move!

I'm getting parched. Lift up your shirt woman.

I see you trying to get up and walk away. You will feel my wrath if you do. Do NOT leave me.

Who is this man that is always trying to hold me? He is not mommy.

Mommy, stay very still. I'm about to use your clothes and my razor sharp fingernails to pull myself up to a standing position. Stay very still because I need to do it at least 25 times.

Clap for me mommy. You're not looking at me. Clap. Clap I say.

I'm pretty happy here just holding my pencil eraser and spider man toy, spinning around and around and around on my butt. This feels so cool. Pivot. Pivot. Hee hee!