Friday, June 11, 2010

An open letter to germs

Dear Germs,
Please die.
Love,
Candy

My son has had "the runs" for over a week now. The "runs" have turned into a raging diaper rash and then...a fabulous "boy part"infection. We go to the Dr. who gives me 2 creams for aforementioned "boy part" and 6, count them, 6!!!!! vials to collect "samples". From the samples, they can tell which part of his digestive system is ticked off.
So, I return home with my boy part creams and tubes to inform my husband "we rub these on and scoop the poop".
You can't even imagine the chaos.
We didn't want to diaper him, lest the rash continue, yet didn't want to let him smear ointment and desitin all over the house so- I grabbed some of my daughters panties and popped them on him. Yes, we took photos of him crawling around the house in Tinkerbell panties.
Needless to say- puddles started forming around the house. "Don't slip on the pee!" becomes the family motto. Then, it happens....."the specimen" is produced.
Imagine the hilarity of my husband and I using plastic spoons to scoop it up, off the floor, off the underwear and yes....fresh off his butt to place ever so gently into the tube.
REPEAT THAT 6 TIMES.
I've never been so pleased to reach a "fill" line. The fun doesn't stop there...oh no no no...you've got to refrigerate it until morning! YAY!! You can bet your booty I wasn't putting that in my main fridge...so it went outside in the "beer" fridge. Thankfully, we don't have alot of raging alcoholics over because they would have had QUITE the surprise....beer? shot of $hit?
The things we do for our children's health.
P.S. I'd like to give a big shout out to my new HAAN duo Steam Sweeper....without which I might still be wallowing in pee and germs. God Bless invention and QVC.


1 comment:

Tina Grimes said...

This post had me laughing out load right from the beginning. Sometimes poo is just funny. But I do understand the frustration of the situation too....been there.
Take care.
Tina