Diarrhea, cha cha cha! I'm surrounded, blah blah blah.
The stomach bug has moved in. The kids have it. The baby has it. The dogs have it. Why don't I have it? Because I'm the lucky one who gets to clean it all up. I'd rather have it.
You've heard of projectile vomit? We'll I'd like to introduce you to projectile diarrhea. My baby has perfected her aim. It shoots out of the back of her diaper and onto the floor, bed, etc. It's lovely.
Of course this all happens when my husband is out of town, in Orlando, "working." Poolside, I'm sure. I want a job.