Nanny Deprived Recipe

Every once in awhile I start to feel guilty about how much processed food and fast food we eat. And so it's out of guilt I decide to cook. I hate cooking. I'd rather beat my head off of the counter than cook dinner but the idea that my kids will get scurvy eventually makes me suck it up and cook.

This is my go to recipe. Notice it only has 4 ingredients! My kind of meal!

One turkey breast frozen
One packet of onion soup mix
One cup orange juice
One can of whole berry cranberries

Throw all of these things in a crock pot and let it cook for 6 hours. I normally make some mashed potatoes and serve the turkey and the gravy in the croc pot all together. Even my picky eaters love this dinner!

Cloud, cloud, go away

There is a little, black, rain cloud looming over my household lately. And when I say "little and black" I really mean a MASSIVE MIDNIGHT BLACK THUNDERHEAD.

In the past week, I have discovered I have a hernia, had my child knock out one of my teeth and had my husband wreck my brand spankin' new minivan.

Yes, kids...I am officially a country song.

The week started out innocently enough, if you call excruciating

stomach pain "innocent". I decide to make a Dr. appointment and diagnosis: hernia. Schedule abdominal scan for next day.

That evening, put toddler on bouncy Zebra thingy- he stands up and his little hard head whacks me straight in the jaw....Good-bye veneer/bonding. Hello Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel.

Make dental appointment the next day for fixing. Also, make mental note to not smile at anyone not immediately related to me. I also consider getting hard headed toddler a helmet.

Next day: Kiss husband and kids goodbye as I leave for Dr's and they leave for school drop-off. I decide I'll let him be "the cool dad in the red Swagger Wagon" (*Giggle) and I take his car to my doctor appointments. Not my best move- I think karma knew I was singing "Being Mr. Mom" in my head as he drove away.

15 minutes into the drive I get the call noone wants...the "We've been in an accident" call.

Luckily, thank the Heavens, my husband and kids are just fine- not a scratch. My pretty new van? Noooooooooooooooo....front end smashed, 4 broken doors, 2 deployed airbags and a partridge in a pear tre

e. I don't think I am going to see her again for about a month...if at all. Turns out, not many people have trashed their 2011 cars yet so, the body shop is having a heck of a time estimating how they are going to repair it. Greeeaaat.

Needless to say, I called and cancelled both dental appointment and abdominal scan. Funny how a mother no longer hurts, or cares about their whacked out smile when their babies safety is compromised. I'd really like the black cloud to go away though...the rain is getting a little old.

Growth Spurts

When I was young (er) *because I like pretending I'm still young..even though I have yogurt in my hair.

Anyways- when I was young, my mom (when she could stand the mess in my bedroom) would make me have a "fashion show" and see what clothes were too small, too ugly, etc and pass them on to my poor younger sister. This always annoyed the living hell out of me as- who really wants to try on every item in their closet and either beg for its redemption or pretend you're faaaar too tall for those ugly purple pants Aunt Rita gave you. I think its the only time in my memory when I wanted to go to bed- just so my mom would give it a rest.

Standing firm with my "I will never do that to MY kids" mantra-- I decided that the shoes and clothing that fit last school year would magically have to fit this year. Wrong. Dead wrong.

Apparently, in the 3 months since school has let out- my kids have each grown 10 feet and 200 pounds.

Or so it seems to me.

Perhaps my mother had a point...a very poorly executed point but- a point nontheless.

I decided to put my daughter through her own "fashion show of torture" where 12 pairs of pants, 4 pair of shorts and 23 shirts ended up in the "too small" box. I looked at that box and felt kind of ill. All the money I spend on that Gym company and that Place company's clothes...all in a box. Never to be used again in this household because- I don't feel like placing my son in therapy for wearing girls clothing or saddling a far younger, potential future sibling with "old" clothing. Do you ever have that "I am making their clothes from burlap sacks from here on out" feeling? With my luck, burlap is expensive and my family would never go through enough potatoes to make that theory cost effective...

The baby, poor baby...who is starting to walk has had his poor little feet smashed into wrong sized shoes all summer long. I took him into Stride Rite in size 3's (thinking they went on easily enough) and came out with 5.5 wides. *Sigh. The saleswoman looked at me like "How did you get these on his feet? With a crowbar?"

I should have looked her straight in the eye and said "No crowbar- Crisco."

I want a medal.

So, I normally refrain from writing about my kids because really...who wants to hear stories about other people's kids when you have kids of your own?
Well, this story is mainly about me, those kids things are merely an accessory to the story.

So- I'm being a good mom and giving my kids a bath like all good moms do, right?
I decide to bathe them in my master bath tub...MY master bath tub...the one with the fun jets and bubble products, etc.
Big Mistake.
HUGE.
My son decides to grab one of my limited edition candles that...its so limited edition..I haven't even burned it yet and decides to start filling it with bath water and drinking it. Weird..I know.

Next, he decides to stand up by the faucet and pee on both myself and his sister...to our mutual EWWWWW.
I start explaining to the 13 month old that "it is not appropriate to pee in the bath, buddy...etc etc."
What does my daughter say?
"Oh, I did that right after we got in."

OMG.
Bleach me. Or give me a medal for not running away from these germy little beings whilst I am trying to rid them of the days germs.
Needless to say, I don't bathe with the kids anymore.

-Candy

Mom Knowledge

So, we had a darn fine idea the other day (and when I say "we" I mean, "Amanda"..God, I feel like her husband now saying that) Mom-Sense. When she told me about it- I thought it was amazingly brilliant because let's face it- we mom's know more random crap about random crap than any other species on the planet. Really...who knows which Barbie the sparkly pink boots go to and who the blue pumps belong to? Mom does.
As a reward for all this useless knowledge you carry around in your already full brain we (*she) has decided to have a contest on our Facebook page every Thursday night at 10 pm, EST. So, being on the west coast...I will have to log in promptly at 7 to check on you fine ladies and see who we can stump with random questions. *remembering to add that as a recurring event to my blackberry...you should too! If you are proven the most knowledgable mama of the night- you will win some fabulous prizes. If you aren't our Facebook friend then-- Why not?? Go friend us!!!

The following is the fine print:
We will ask 3 questions each Thursday night at 10 pm EST (10:02 if the kids are bugging us)
The first person to answer the question correctly will win the prize listed in that post. No swapping prizes.
The winner has 24 hours to email us at nannydeprived at gmail dot com with their US mailing address as well as any size choices. (Yes- the prizes are THAT good!)

As soon as we receive the address, we will mail your prize right off to you! If the winner does not respond within the 24 hours- we reserve the right to offer the prize again next week to another winner.

We realize that some questions may have more than one answer...we reserve the right to choose the answer that is most correct. Kind of like the SAT's you took in High School but- way cooler. We have tried really hard to make sure they are clear cut answers but...you know...stuff happens even when you're trying hard for it not to.
If two people happen to answer correctly with the exact same timestamp in Facebook- we will offer a "tie breaker" question.

Ok, thats all. Hope you're all ridiculously excited. I know I am...even though I can't win because I came up with some questions. Dang you red tape!! Log onto Facebook tomorrow night!!!

Candy :)