The Lost Nap

Where oh where did my daughter's nap go? Oh where oh where did it go?

It only took having three kids to finally have a good sleeper. My youngest is a great sleeper and napper. You basically throw her in her crib and walk out and she just goes to sleep. It's great and every time I close that door, I am so thankful that it's that easy. I've been on the other side of that situation with my other two children. I remember the crying, screaming, sitting in the room waiting for them to fall asleep.

Yesterday, not so much. I threw her in her crib and the crying started. I freaked. I had flashbacks of my other two kids and almost curled up into the fetal postition and rocked myself back and forth from the memories.

After a few minutes I decided to get her, knowing this wasn't like her. I brought her downstairs and we played some more. If you can call throwing couch pillows at her older brother playing, then yeah, we played. We played real good.

I tried again about an hour later. No luck. I finally decided that if she wasn't going to nap, I would teach her by making her so tired she would fall asleep anywhere. Off to the pool we went. Three hours later we returned home. She was still wide awake and in a good mood.

Now I'm terrified. Does this mean the beginning of the end? All good things must come to an end, but her naps? Really? She's not even two. Someone tell me it was just a jinx, a fluke, and she's not giving up naps for good. Please. Anyone?

In search of the perfect purse

I LOVE purses. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. purses.

Especially shiny new Coach ones.

To me, there's just a special kind of happy, loving adoration for a great bag. I mean, I'm not a supermodel, I'm rockin' the "mommy pooch" thing and occasionally a muffin top. Heaven knows I have my days where my hair has baby food in it and I don't know what all is smeared into my shirt. But you know one thing the kids don't ruin? My purse. There it sits- on the shelf, perfect and waiting for me to take it somewhere. While we're out and about, I like to think that my purse is a statement to others saying "Underneath alllll this crap is a woman with style- look at this great bag!"

Or at least thats how it goes in my head...

Lately, I've been on a mission...to find a new summer purse. AND I CAN'T.

If you've read this blog before, you're aware that I set on a frivolous, self-imposed mission and I always win. ALWAYS. Not this time. Not yet.

I did find a gorgeous bag thats like, more than I make in 2 months. But I won't do it. I am willing myself to find something else comparable because...I just can't see spending THAT kind of money, on a bag that mainly goes to the grocery store.

The mission continues...

Do you have a love affair with your purses?

An open letter to germs

Dear Germs,

Please die.

Love,

Candy

My son has had "the runs" for over a week now. The "runs" have turned into a raging diaper rash and then...a fabulous "boy part"infection. We go to the Dr. who gives me 2 creams for aforementioned "boy part" and 6, count them, 6!!!!! vials to collect "samples". From the samples, they can tell which part of his digestive system is ticked off.

So, I return home with my boy part creams and tubes to inform my husband "we rub these on and scoop the poop".

You can't even imagine the chaos.

We didn't want to diaper him, lest the rash continue, yet didn't want to let him smear ointment and desitin all over the house so- I grabbed some of my daughters panties and popped them on him. Yes, we took photos of him crawling around the house in Tinkerbell panties.

Needless to say- puddles started forming around the house. "Don't slip on the pee!" becomes the family motto. Then, it happens....."the specimen" is produced.

Imagine the hilarity of my husband and I using plastic spoons to scoop it up, off the floor, off the underwear and yes....fresh off his butt to place ever so gently into the tube.

REPEAT THAT 6 TIMES.

I've never been so pleased to reach a "fill" line. The fun doesn't stop there...oh no no no...you've got to refrigerate it until morning! YAY!! You can bet your booty I wasn't putting that in my main fridge...so it went outside in the "beer" fridge. Thankfully, we don't have alot of raging alcoholics over because they would have had QUITE the surprise....beer? shot of $hit?

The things we do for our children's health.

P.S. I'd like to give a big shout out to my new HAAN duo Steam Sweeper....without which I might still be wallowing in pee and germs. God Bless invention and QVC.

Let's go get a Vasectomy! Wooooooo!!

There comes a time when we Mommies will have a decision to make...Do we want another baby or are we "done"? If you want another baby then...my hat is off to you because I am firmly on the fence about the whole thing. I think I may decide by the time all my eggs have shriveled up and will only produce babies who talk like Urkel or will grow up to be something terrible- like a Civil War re-enactor.

Unfortunately, until you're at that point...theres tons and tons of options for us women. IUD, pills, shots, etc... why is there really only one option for men? It amuses me that whenever you say the word "Vasectomy" to a dude...his face scrunches up and he cringes...

What if they made Vasectomy's fun?????? Imagine this...

You walk into a dimly

lit waiting room, filled with comfy leather chairs and dude magazines. The nurses are all hotties clad in "naughty nurse" uniforms as they take your insurance information and tell you "the Dr will be with you soon." Once inside "the room"- its like a guy paradise...nothing sterile white with 42 inch plasma playing sports or whatever they guy chooses. Once the deal is done- they get to pick a prize! Yaaaayyy!! No stickers or lollipops though...like- a round of golf or a coupon for some lovin' once their little surgery is healed.

Sound nice, huh?

??

Almost makes me want to go to Vasectomy school just so I can learn how and open this gold mine for myself!

I mean really...we pushed those little bugger out or had c-sections....don't they owe this to us?

Horders: For Kids

I'm pretty sure A&E could have filmed a good episode of Horders at our house while cleaning out my daughter's closet the other day. I finally got so overwhelmed at the fact that I couldn't get in there to hang up clothes that I decided enough was enough.

Armed with garbage bags, boxes, and my 4 year old we went up for an intervention. We barged in on my daughter's "Fortress of Solitude" and as soon as she saw the garbage bags the tears started. I pleaded and begged and tried all of the tactics the way-too-nice and calm therapists on Horders try. Lacking time and patience I started grabbing handfuls of broken crayons, candy wrappers, puzzle pieces, Ponyville fodder, and what not and began throwing it away. Under some of the debris, I'm ashamed to report, I did find several pet shop carcasses who must have been buried alive.

My daughter, seeing the progress eventually got on board. But then the negotiation started on every toy.

Me: "Do you really need this pony? It only has one eye and the hair is all gone from it's head. It's a little scary."

Horder: "Mommy, I like that pony. I NEED that Pony."

Me: "Ok, well what about this old castle? It's seen happier days."

Horder: "Ok, but can I get a new castle?"

My poor 4 year old soon stood there like all of the relatives on Horders. Ashamed, broken and just happy to get handed anything throw away.

Three garbage bags later, we were left with a small pony land, Pet Shop villa and a small zhu zhu pit stop. My daughter will get one toy (with no small pieces) as a reward. Those pet shop who were crushed from the debris have now been brought back to life and have been given a happy home. ;)